Magic and Mayhem

It's been an interesting few days, where I've been going over things in my mind and re-reading some old logs. My conclusion is that some people are just so screwed up mentally, that they honestly can't tell sincerity when they see it.

I do realise its much harder to judge people when you have only really ever spoken to them via text on a screen. I think it's also a bit stupid to judge someone on what other people say about them. However, even if you do have a problem with someone you have never even spoken to, judged purely on what you've heard about them, I don't think it's right to verbally abuse them in any form, because you don't know what effect that could have on someone. Like me, they could find the whole thing a little ridiculous, but it could be the thing that pushes someone over the edge and causes them to do something stupid and hurt themselves. Is that something anyone wants to be even partially responsible for? I sincerely hope not.

So, there's no hard feelings on my part. It's pointless to hold anger or hatred towards anyone, least of all someone I don't know. I don't think that makes me bigger than anyone, despite what some of you have said. I make mistakes just like everyone but I'm not going to let it affect me nor make me mistrustful or bitter. That's just not me.

Love you all, even the ones that don't like me!

Posted via Journaler.

You really have to wonder about some people and how they can mistake who you are and your intentions so completely. You know, I consider myself a nice, fair and honest person. I always tell people exactly how I feel and pride myself on my integrity. When someone tells me that they don't like me, I accept it, because I like me and that's more important.

So, when my intentions are mistaken, my personality completely misunderstood and my honesty questioned, I have to wonder exactly what is wrong with the other person that they could find such horrible things in me, things that when I look for them, I can't see. Not even a little trace.

Well, relationships on line are hit and miss. Thankfully, there have only been two MAJOR misses.

Love you, all and thanks for not being whackos.

So, got this in my inbox this morning from miss_fitted, who I've never spoken to, or played with. Thought it was a bit rude to begin with, but I've read it a couple of times since I woke up and now, I can't stop laughing. What a joke!

I just wanted to thank you for being absolutely horrendous at playing Hermione. I mean, honestly? Do you even know how to write two solid paragraphs? Or better yet, one? Good lord. Not to mention, your Hermione was absolutely atrocious. I'd just about given up on ever being able to play Hermione against such a fucking brilliant Severus, and then Shiva fell into my lap and it was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've seen your CDJ or whatever, and I know you credit Shiva with how much you love Severus and Hermione, but guess what? My Hermione is ten times more wonderful and perfect than yours. We - well I certainly do - openly mock you in our threads. This comment in particular, the OOC note? Totally directed at you. Cause while occasionally I give Shiva less than what she gives me to write with, I have NEVER given her a one liner, or even a post where it was difficult for her to respond with a decent sized post. So guess what? You suck, just like your mindless cunt of a Hermione does, except mine does it better ;)

Hate you!

That poor sad little soul!

Sometimes I feel like its all bullshit. Nothing is real, least of all me. I get mad, anger seethes in me and I wanna scream!

Fuck this shit, man! I'm so sick of people lying to me. I told you the truth, that's not a fucking crime. Can't win no matter what you do, so I'm gonna stop fucking trying.

So, today, I realised something. Thanks to role-play, I sort of hate James Potter and Remus Lupin.

This isn't directed at anyone in particular, and I'm probably just in a bad mood today, or something, but it just seems to me that most people that play them are either flaky as fuck or, in the case of Remus, choose to play him gay, which just boggles my mind because it's so against canon. Sometimes, I would rather Lily and Tonks be involved with ANYONE besides those two. Including someone crazy, like Lord Voldemort; or Regulus Black, or Mad-Eye Moody.

Well, besides Snape, of course. Most Snape players and I just can not get along. I don't know why, but I seem to bother them just by breathing. Probably because I don't share their hero-worship opinion of him. He wasn't some kind of infallible sex god. He was just a creepy mother-fucker with an obsession for someone that was never going to love him and serious hygiene problems.

Oh, well.

Ugh. I should listen to my instincts and not my stupid muses. This happens EVERY time I join a game as Lily! I'm starting to think there is no such thing as a reliable James Potter player.

*sobs*

And, seriously, Severus Snape doesn't KNOW everything, so when are people going to stop playing him as some kind of omnipotent presence.

So close to quitting again, I swear!

So, obviously, I am utterly useless at quitting RP, cause I'm co-modding two games and playing in three. However, I tried to apply for one of my favourites and found that I just didn't have the stomach to even finish the application, so I think I'm going to just stop playing her.

RIP Lily! You were my first muse and I'll always adore you but obviously, this is not the mind for you any more. I think I'm done with Hermione, as well. I never did her justice any way - I'm just not smart enough.

Guess I'm stupid for still letting it hurt me. One day, maybe, I'll think about you and won't want to cry.

I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play. I must not role-play.

Today was a very successful day. I had a good time at lunch with some friends. Then, I took the girls down to the beach for a bit and even though I wasn't involved in the sandcastle making, I ended up with sand everywhere, even in my bra. After that, I went to the shops and managed to finish my Christmas shopping. Granted, I cheated completely and had a picture taken, of the girls and Santa, which will totally take care of like half the people on my Christmas list.

( Cuteness cut )

I'm thinking about dying my hair again, but I want to wait and see what happens with my Aunty. She's got a tumor on her pancreas and it'll still be 3 week before she can get it operated on. We're all very worried. How much more are we supposed to be able to cope with?

I'm feeling very positive about my decision to quit role-playing. Maybe I'll change my mind down the track, but I'm not selfish enough to keep inflicting my one-dimensional characters on other people. Perhaps I'll just start writing fan-fiction again as a creative outlet. No one has to read them, then.

All in all, a good day without any bad thoughts to taint it. Now, I must cook a meal for my family, then off to the gym for a work out, sand in my bra and all. :P

So, I suck and I'm stupid, because I thought I was helping, but I was just making it worse with my severely deficient attempt at writing.

I'm giving it up.

God, I suck!

I decided to photograph my day. It wasn't very exciting.

( LOTS of pics )

Just got home after a week at my mother-in-laws. I love her, she's so sweet and generous, but she's completely insane! She thinks it's okay to offer me $1000 to lose weight and question me about mine and my daughters bowel movements. Her husband is a strange little man who has serious undiagnosed ADD. I swear, you can be right in front of him talking and he's a million miles away.

Title: Alone
Summary: Life after Fred
Characters/Pairings: George, Angelina
Rating/Warnings: PG
Word Count: 666 - I know, ominous!

( Alone )

So, I'm trying to describe the show the previous quote is from to a friend.

Mel: No, it's called Being Human
Mel: It's about a werewolf, vampire and a ghost living together
Mel: it sounds weird, but it's actually really funny
C: lol yes it does sound very weird
Mel: For example, the vampire just says "I can't believe he's never heard of Laurel and Hardy! Immortality makes me feel so old."

[lack of response prompts me to ask...]

Mel: and you've never heard of Laurel and Hardy, have you?
C: yeah...no

I know werewolves aren't real, so the fact that I'm crying right now is completely illogical, but I've just been watching Being Human and Mitchell, the vampire describes his werewolf friend, George's transformation.

And clearly, I'm a sadist that has to share the pain around.

"He should be dead within 30 seconds. The werewolf heart is about 2/3rds the size of a humans, but in order to shrink, first it has to stop. In other words he has a heart attack. All the internal organs need to be smaller, so while he's having his heart attack, he's having liver and kidney failure, too. And if he stops screaming it's not because the pain has eased(?), his throat, gullet and vocal chords are tearing and reforming; he literally can't make a sound. By now the pituitary gland should be working over time, flooding his body with endorphins to ease some of the pain, but that too has shut down. Anyone else would have died with shock long ago, but it won't kill him; that's the thing I find most remarkable. It drags him through the fire and keeps him alive and even conscious to endure every second. Nothing like this could just evolve. This is the finger print of god; an impossible, lethal curse spread by tooth and claw; victim begets victim begets victim. It's so cruel, it's....perfect."

( Lily Potter )

( James Sirius )

( Helga )